Washington, D.C.In a move that could only be described as so Trump, former President Donald J. Trump made a historic faux pas during his recent swearing-in ceremony, transforming what was supposed to be a solemn moment of constitutional duty into an impromptu memorabilia signing session.
As Chief Justice John Roberts held up the Bible, ready to administer the sacred oath of office, Trump, in true fashion, squinted at the book as if it was the latest limited edition of Hustler Magazine and not, you know, a centuries-old symbol of faith and democracy. Without missing a beat, he pulled a Sharpie from his jacket pocket and scrawled his signature across the pages of the Holy Bible, proudly proclaiming, “I’m really proud of this one, folks. This is a beautiful Bible.”
It’s Not a Bible, It’s a Product Placement Opportunity
It was only when Roberts looked up, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape, that Trump seemed to realize the mistake—though not really realize it. “Oh, sorry, I thought it was like one of those items at the souvenir stand. You know, where they charge you an extra 50 bucks for a signature?” Trump quipped, his signature grin flashing across his face as he handed the book back to Roberts like a fan passing a signed baseball to a confused umpire.
“It’s the best Bible,” Trump continued, unbothered. “Everyone says it. People have told me, ‘Wow, this Bible, it’s the best one, no question.’”
The Bible, Now with a Trump Touch
Legal experts were quick to weigh in on the theological implications of Trump’s autograph. “Technically speaking, the Bible is not a ‘collectible’ item, nor does it require the signature of a former president to validate its authenticity,” said one flustered constitutional scholar. “But, frankly, if you want to get a signed copy of a 2000-year-old text, I can’t think of anyone better to do it than Donald Trump.”
And while some on Twitter questioned the appropriateness of defacing a religious text in such a manner, others saw it as a savvy marketing move. “I’m just saying, Trump’s brand is everything,” wrote one social media influencer. “I would totally pay for a signed Bible if it came with a certificate of authenticity from the Trump Tower Gift Shop.”
What’s Next, a Trump Bible App?
Perhaps the most pressing question is what comes after this momentous (and absurd) occasion. According to insiders, Trump is already planning to release a limited edition “Trump Sworn-In Bible” on his website, complete with his signature on every page and a personalized note inside that reads, “This is the most important book you will ever read. Nobody reads books better than me, folks.”
“We’ve already got a deal in the works with Amazon,” Trump reportedly told a source close to his campaign. “It’ll be number one in no time. Trust me. The best Bible, I’m telling you.”